How to support your girlfriend on her period (without being weird about it)

First, the honest basics

A period is the lining of the uterus shedding when there's no pregnancy. It usually lasts 2 to 7 days, and for most people the heaviest flow and the worst cramps land on days 1 and 2. Cramps happen because the uterus contracts to push the lining out. For some people that's a dull ache; for others it's pain strong enough to cancel plans.

Hormones are at their lowest during her period, which often means low energy, a need for warmth and quiet, and sometimes relief, because the moody days before a period often lift once bleeding starts. Every person is different, and the same person can feel different from month to month. That's why the most useful thing you can do is ask, then listen.

What actually helps (a practical list)

• Heat. A heat pad, hot water bottle wrapped in a towel or a warm bath are first-line advice for period pain. Offer to fill or fetch it.
• Painkillers and water. Ibuprofen or paracetamol (acetaminophen) help many people. Bring a glass of water with them, and don't comment on how many she takes; she knows her body.
• Food without fuss. Cravings are real. Pick up her favorite snack, or cook something warm and easy. Iron-rich food like lentils, beans or red meat helps if bleeding is heavy.
• Supplies. If she's run out of pads, tampons, a cup or period underwear, a quiet supply run is a love language. Ask which brand and size, or take a photo of the box.
• A softer schedule. Swap the big night out for a film on the sofa if she wants it. Offer, don't decide for her.
• Gentle movement, if she's up for it. A short walk can ease cramps for some people. Never push it.
• Take something off her plate. Dishes, laundry, the food shop. Doing a chore without being asked says more than any text.

What not to do

• Don't ask "Are you on your period?" during an argument. Even if the timing is relevant, it dismisses what she's saying.
• Don't act grossed out by blood, pads or stained sheets. Bodies are bodies. Help strip the bed and move on.
• Don't compare her pain to someone else's ("my ex never complained"). Period pain varies hugely from person to person.
• Don't make it a running joke with friends. Private stuff stays private.
• Don't disappear for a week. Periods aren't contagious; she might just want you on the sofa.

Want the exact words? Our guide on what to say to your partner on her period has lines that land and lines to avoid.

It's not only about the period itself

For many people the harder days come before bleeding starts. In the luteal phase, the week or two before a period, estrogen and progesterone fall and some people feel more irritable, teary, anxious or tired. More than 9 in 10 women report at least some premenstrual symptoms, according to the US Office on Women's Health. Once the period arrives, those feelings usually ease within a few days.

Understanding the whole cycle makes you a better partner on every day of it, not just the bleeding ones. Our cycle guide for partners explains the four phases in plain words, and supporting a partner with PMS covers the week before.

Know when it's coming (with her permission)

A lot of awkwardness disappears when you're not guessing. If she tracks her cycle and wants to share, you can see her phase and what's likely ahead. Lulu's partner sync shows you her cycle day, phase and next period, plus small tips on how to help. If she turns them on, you also see how she's feeling today and tomorrow's forecast, and her fertile window when she's trying to conceive. You never see her symptoms, notes or history, and she can stop sharing any time.

When to encourage her to see a doctor

Painful periods are common, but severe pain is not something anyone should just put up with. If you notice any of the signs below, gently suggest she talks to a doctor, and offer to go with her or help book the appointment.